The Need

Validation is it something everyone tries to get or is it just me? Funny, how life pushes and directs you. One minute you believe you are a friend magnet and a social butterfly, then in the next, you find yourself avoiding everyone, hiding in a corner, and wishing you could vanish.
Why is it? Some of us seem to always be looking for “Validation.” Was it something we lacked during our childhood, or could it have been caused by our “life experiences,” thrusting us into a never-ending search for it? Thus, in a deep effort to affirm of our self-worth and existence?
Confused as one might be, the bottom line is how to overcome this type of thinking! Why should we allow our past experiences to subtract from our self-value and deteriorate our current enjoyment of life?
The skipped record of hearing the internal whispers of the why me, blah, blah speech reverberating over and over? Outsiders, as I call them, those who have not experienced or walked in our shoes easily judge. Repeatedly quoting those phrases which cause our skin to crawl, i.e. It’s just a bump in the road; Get over it; this too shall pass; let it go; shake it off…
Well, in our tortured minds, we have to and must respond with, when? Just, when the hell, is this “supposed” transition to take place?
Have our own life experiences taught us so much pain, misery, guilt, shame, and regret! Have they secured us a few mental breakdowns, an in-depth search of faith, a trust ‘no one’ attitude, and a never-ending desire for the easy mental escape through drugs and/or alcohol or any other quick fix remedy?
Today, in our own efforts to “move on.” We might find ourselves anti-social, shut-in, physically and mentally handicapped stuck in a life which is wondrous and extremely heart-wrenching at the same time. Painfully waking each and every day counting the hours before sleep rescues us from our living hell.
So explain, why the obsessive need to feel validated, especially when the validation we seek is usually sought from the exact person who fills us with so many exasperations to our soul’s core. How in the hell is this even possible?
Thus I ask: How do we actually let go when we are such empaths when our actions are in effect causing others so much pain. When our actions have stripped us of every ounce of dignity and pride. Maybe one should understand our “whys” of our actions and how they were caused and our reasons for making them before placing judgment. Nevertheless, we must now believe and know the only validation we need is our own!
Regardless, of our guilt, shame, or remorse! Regardless, of our…should of, would of, and could of.
Nobody can ever truly understand our lives. Our roads of life experiences, or what exactly we endured. Nor will they ever realize why we made specific decisions, or why we conceded to gracefully back out and bow down allowing others to control the reins of power over the little humans we hold so dear.
No one will ever know among their rumors, among their judgments. No one could ever know, relate or understand, unless they walked in your shoes, forced into your positions, forced to carry all your burdens. Including all the guilt, remorse or all the shame, you have carried due to your degree of honesty while your back was against the same walls. Accepting to face your faults, your failures and to seek better for someone else knowing the consequence of suffering to your own heart, mind, and soul.
However, my friend…that level of honesty showed your strength and by that alone, these simple worlds, we reaffirm…YOU are worthy, YOU are human, and YOU are validated.
We are not doormats! We are survivors…We are human and we validate us!


[Photo credit: Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash] Thank You!

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